Notes to my Daughter
By Nidadavolu Malathi
Foreword
The idea of noting down my thoughts occurred to me after a little chat with my daughter. I will come to that later.
For the present, let me say I have an inquiring mind. I ask questions constantly. I think up questions, when there are none. I don’t mean asking others, that’s not in my nature. Maybe, that is in the nature of knowledge. Knowledge expands as we ask questions, and questions arise out of constant thinking. Just like Newton’s question why the apple fell from the tree lead to discovering the law of gravitation. I don’t mean gossiping kind. My curiosity is about learning what causes a person to say or do something or act in a certain way.
I was like that even in my childhood. If somebody liked me, I wondered why they liked me. If they did not like me, why they did not like me. I was never satisfied with their answers either. I would have more questions about their answers. That has been a never ending process for me all my life.
A few days ago, my daughter came to visit me. We were chatting, and I happened to mention some Sanskrit slokas by Sankaracharya and then showed to his slokas on TV. She was delighted to listen to those slokas. After that I showed her a video of Jiddu Krhishnamurti’s perception of India. That was also interesting.
At the end I casually mentioned I might note down my thoughts, almost like I was talking to myself.
“You should,” she said. That was the start for these notes. I took her suggestion seriously and thought further about topics worth writing about.
I admit I don’t have the kind and the level of scholarship and knowledge of Sankara and Krishnamurti. I have only more questions on the topics they talked about, and that makes me ask more questions. I know it is not right to ask questions without studying their philosophy or doctrine closely and without even trying to comprehend them fully. Nevertheless, I’ve decided to jot down my thoughts and call them Notes.
My daughter’s suggestion gave me the title, My Notes to my Daughter. It reflects the nature and purpose of these notes. Also, I am writing in a stream of consciousness style which seems to suit my purpose aptly.
I am interested in several areas of knowledge but all peripheral. Just to give you an idea, I am interested in Telugu language and literature, Tennis, Carnatic music, some TV shows and movies (in which my daughter participates), and cooking. Recently, I added current politics to the list because of the political situation in America now. In fact, it has become a major topic for me now, almost solely.
As I mentioned earlier, my knowledge is very limited but am motivated enough to fill my life with such thoughts and note them down whenever I can. Basically, I want to keep my word to my daughter.
Your comments are welcome.
Nidadavolu Malathi
June11, 2025
1.The Mind Plays Funny Tricks
Mind works in mysterious ways. Mind is a monkey, some people say. Another aphorism is idle mind is devil’s workshop. We may put the two together and say the mind provokes thoughts and thoughts cause the mind to bounce around like a monkey. I may even push it further and say the same idea led me to jot down my thoughts.
I trust no one. Almost everybody has ready-made answers, and they repeat them like broken records. When there is none, they will make up one. That is a built-in feature in human nature. I want more cogent, thoughtful answers.
The series of answers goes like this:
If I had not watched Jiddu Krishnamurti’s videos, the thought of writing notes would not have arisen.
If I had not mentioned, “I am thinking of writing notes,” you would not have said, “You should write.”
I would not have mentioned it, if Jiddu Krishnamurti’s speech had not prompted me to think.
I would not have stumbled upon Jiddu Krishnamurti’s videos, if I had not gone on flipping channels…
I could go on like this forever. That is the way mind works. It is a maze of thoughts; thoughts mostly in a nascent state. Usually, I keep my life uncomplicated and my social activities next to none. Yet, even in my miniscule world, something or other pops up requiring me to act. It may be a thing or a person that causes it. I will get to those things one by one in the days to come.
For now, remember that all my thoughts are triggered by an incident, event or a person’s words or actions. Second, the fields I will cover may include something in literature (Telugu, and English on rare occasions), philosophy (Hinduism), sports (tennis only), music (Carnatic only), TV shows (starring you and a few others I like), and, of course, cooking (Indian vegetarian only). Once again, I remind you that my expertise in all these instance is minimal and quotations from reputable authors and philosophers are only as I recall; may not be accurate.
2.Is Thought a Memory in Progress?
Like I said, I keep ruminating on something or other. I know I can get answers but I prefer to put my head to work first. I want to find answers on my own. I may take a peek at some article on the Internet but that does not stop me from thinking in my own way. Partly because I am not patient enough to read the article to the end. Another reason is I can’t stay focused at a stretch. A word or a thought in one line is enough to throw me into another direction. I need to think about this a little more before I can finish it.
For now, let’s see if thought is different from memory. Jiddu Krishnamurti narrated an interesting story. Suppose you say something to him, and he asks why. You say something. Then he says why. Again another answer; another question, another answer; it goes on and on. Krishnamurti says your answers are your thoughts. At some point you will say, “I don’t know.” Then, it becomes a memory, according to Krishnamurti. I kept thinking about it for a while. Does it mean a thought is progressive and memory is static?
It made perfect sense at the time. Nevertheless, I continued to reflect on the idea. Did he mean that a thought is a thought while you are thinking and crystallizes into a memory soon after you stopped thinking about it? How can that happen? It sounds more like we continue to think about it as a memory.
That reminded of an incident from your childhood. Remember? We went to India. You were 5 or 6 at the time. One day, Doddamma’s (my older sister) friend came to see us. Doddamma asked you to sing for her. You were shy at first, refused to sing. After a lot of persuasion, you snuck under the radio table and pretended to sing on air. I don’t remember whether it was your idea or Doddamma’s. That was cute. You even had a supporting artist. Doddamma’s friend played veena as accompaniment. At the end, she said you had a good grasp of the notes, sang them beautifully.
That was a charming moment. That came to my mind again today. Then I was thinking, maybe, you were already an actress and singer then. But, I wouldn’t call it a “still memory.” We keep reviving it in our thoughts and conversations frequently. In that sense the memory is not different from thought.
Or, we may put it another way. Are thought and memory are the same or two distinctly different entities? To me, memory appears to be personal and static. Some people from my younger days write to me mentioning the “good times” we had. I can’t recall those times even after they talked about them. In that, they are their memories, I’d assume. Thoughts, on the other hand, are impersonal. On second thought, I’ve come to believe that there are only a few basic thoughts on any given subject. Different authors express them in different ways, but primarily they are the same. The same thought may occur to different people at different times at different places. But that does not mean one person may have influenced the other.
Of course, it was not Krishnamurti’s suggestion. Just his thought made me move in a different direction and in my own way. That is what I mean when I say the ideas or thoughts push me into thinking in a different direction. Most of the time, anyway.
Here is one more thing. Earlier I said I trust no one. To be frank, I do not trust me either. Right now, I am sitting here watching TV. Then it occurred to me. When I moved into this apartment, I wanted the TV against the wall on the right. I even told the manager I was going to have it there. Then the movers brought in the TV and I told them to put it against the wall on the left. It is 3 years since I moved in. I mentioned it to you a couple of times, but never got it moved to the right side. I can’t explain how that happened. I don’t know why I told the movers to put it there in the first place. No idea. Can’t think of any reason, maybe even silly. But continued to think and told myself if such things could happen in my life, so could be in others’ lives too. They may have something on their mind, may even say so aloud, and later may act differently. I think that comes under the category of the mind playing funny tricks.
By the way, I was also wondering if memory survives because of attachments. It is easy to forget the thought if you are not attached to the person or thing that triggered it, in the first place. Thoughts are in the present and keep springing up anew every minute, hour, and day. If you are not attached to the person or thing that sets it off, no more memories.
Does it make sense? What do you think?
3.Age is Societal!
Now I am one year older, a few thoughts that never occurred before came to my mind yesterday.
I don’t care about birthdays, generally speaking. I know you and your husband have been visiting me every year, and a few friends have been posting best wishes on my blog and then, it is over. This time, when you asked me what did I want to do for my birthday, I went blank. Couldn’t think of any. I said, partly in jest, “what birthday?”
After a little talk, we decided that this year we will pretend there is no birthday. We will just get together and have lunch and it is over.
Yesterday, unlike the birthdays in previous years, some people did not specifically mention my age, but there were some creative suggestions such as “solve puzzles,” “play bridge,” “call friends,” “join groups” and so on. I was amused. Obviously, their suggestions reflect what they like to do. They had no idea who I was and what I would like to do.
Thought for while, got bored and turned to YouTube. Recently, the world ofYouTube has become more expansive than before. Now there is not a subject or topic you cannot find there. Short videos on eating, thinking, running, fighting loneliness, learning to sleeping better, and what to do after waking up and also at what time. Thanks to the enormous amount of knowledge on the Internet, there is nothing you can’t find an answer for. Finding something I am interested is like finding a needle in a haystack, though.
While I was flipping channels aimlessly, I stumbled on a movie, Fire in the Dark. Not the title but the actors got my attention. Olympia Dukakis and Lindsey Wagner. I like them. Normally, I don’t care for the shows featuring old age. They all are trite, hackneyed, and not to my taste. But this particular movie got my attention because of the actors. They were cast as mother and daughter. It was about an older woman in good health and free-spirited. I started to watch. At first, like I said, it was just an ordinary family drama. Twenty minutes are so went by, not much fanfare. And then the pivotal issue came up. Mother stumbles on the stairs and ends up in a hospital. Then the entire show quickly turned fascinating; started with this short dialogue.
Doctor says to the daughter, “I’ll release her. However, you need to consider options. She needs home care.”
Her daughter stares in disbelief. ”She falls on stairs and all of sudden she is old?”
It is that line that’s gotten into my head. I couldn’t stop, watched it to the end, and then, started thinking.
Incidents like hitting your head against a wall or a door is common. Nothing unusual about it. I’ve fallen on streets or hit my head against doors many times. No big deal. I got up and continued to walk; ignored the door or wall and continued to do whatever I was doing.
But then, one evening, it happened differently. A small incident threw my life upside down in a split second. It made a huge difference in my life and the lives of people around me; my daughter, son-in-law, neighbors, and even casual friends. My building manager started showing more concern for my well-being. I used to go to her apartment to get quarters for laundry. Now she brings quarters to my door! That’s what I am saying about the movie. Not just the life of one person but the lives of so many others around that one person change in unexpected ways; and things that sound odd become normal and important.
That is what I meant when I said calendrical years would not matter. Age is societal. Children can’t wait to grow older. “I am almost 10,” “I am almost 15,” and so on. As they grow older, the language becomes, “big five O,” “big six O.” Past 80, the lines would be “she is so old,” “She is… you know,” …
All references to age may be calendrical, but the way others look at old people hits you a lot harder. Nobody really cares what the old people think, but only what others think of old people becomes important. Idioms like “still around,” “can’t say how much longer,” or, “soon” come to their minds.
A few years back, probably in my 70s (haha), I was standing in line at the checkout counter. A woman, looked a little older than I, was behind me holding just one item.
I turned to her and said she could go before me.
She said, “Why? Because I am old? Never mind, I can wait.”
I did not reply. Now I know what I missed at the time. I was playing “society” to her. I did not think what she might be thinking; it just did not occur to me!
In short, your age is not what the calendar says but how the society perceives it and treats you accordingly. Age is not calendrical but societal.
4.The End is a Natural Phenomenon!
Consider this continuation of the same thoughts described in the previous article on societal matters.
In literature, every story has an end. Everyone who starts reading a story looks forward to its ending. How it ends is a critical component of a story. While reading, you keep wondering how it ends. And after it ends, you wonder why it ended in that way, why not in a different way, etc, hover around in your mind. Every plan, project, and action ends eventually. The only thing many people do not like is the end of human life, death.
In general, death is on everybody’s mind, be it lurking in the inmost corners of the brain or showing brazenly on their face, it doesn’t matter but the thought is there. Actually, it doesn’t have to be breathing their last. I personally think, as far as Telugu literature is concerned, I have breathed my last. It sounds harsh, so, let me say, “I am no more.” That is quirky and I am quirky. I don’t mind saying things others hesitate to speak.
Probably I didn’t tell you before about one of my posts on Facebook a few years ago. I posted, “No more Malathi garu.” I included the honorific suffix “garu” so it sounds authentic. Comments under the post were more than I expected. A lot more. Nobody took it as joke. Obviously the joke was on me! I deleted it after an hour or so. That’s what I am talking about, quirky. :D.
In literature, both in English and Telugu, there are several poems on death by many reputable writers. And those poems are received very well. But not in my case. Because I am not famous. I can see that, more so now than ever before.
Anyway, people in general do not talk about death. While I was thinking what I wanted to write about, I remembered a poem I read long time ago. I found the poem, “Do not Stand by my Grave and Weep,” while I was surfing the Internet casually. It was written by an ordinary housewife, Mary Elizabeth Fry. I’ll get back to this later.
To the point I started with, it reminded me of a little chat you and I had long time ago. You may not remember it. You were too little, maybe 6 or 7. I don’t remember the context but I asked you what you would do after my death.
You said, “You will not die.”
I smiled. That was the world of a little girl; a little girl’s trust in her mother. I knew it instinctively.
Now, after 4 decades, I said the same thing slightly differently. We were eating lunch and chatting. You said the food was great.
“You should learn how to cook if you want to eat this food after I am gone,” I said.
You squinted as you smiled. I got it. That is growing up. As you grow up you learn to see the world in a broader perspective. You understand and you see things in their context. Our cooking lessons are going great. Maybe I should post the videos on my channel on YouTube. Ha ha.
That thought also made me realize something else. The dialogue between us projected a different angle–personal versus societal. I love it. What do you think?
You understood my point in the context and followed with that reality. On the other hand, for the viewers on Facebook my post was just one more post. There was no context. In a social context, they were polite, and, possibly, they were expecting me to be polite; maybe, it was not nice to be frivolous about death on the media where social and personal seem to be commingled. I don’t know. All I could think of is death means different things to different people.
I am not being conceited or overbearing, but just stating the facts as they are and as I see them. Let me put it another way. What if I am in a moment in space where society does not matter, does not even exist. How do I feel? It is hard to imagine; basically, because humans are social animals. Did you notice? Socrates said “animals” but not humans or living things. Probably he said so for a reason.
In short, one thing that confuses me is how current generation is treating old people. It is like they are from another planet. Some Republicans want to deprive seniors of their voting rights. Especially old women. With the advancement of technology and civilization, no surprise they think the old are “oooooold,” meaning they are way too far behind and ignorant. They can’t see that the old people still believe more in commonsense than programmed intelligence. In that I think they are the ones that are ignorant and short-sighted.
About the author I referred to above and the circumstances surrounding the poem:
I found the author’s disposition and outlook on the world were as impressive as her poem and the circumstances surrounding the poem.
Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) was an ordinary housewife with no education and no expertise in poetics. The words just flowed, her own words, as she put it. She did not send it for publication. It was circulated among her friends and acquaintances. She did not seek copyrights for the poem. “My poem belongs to the world,” she said.
It is not clear how the poem ended up in the bag of a soldier who died in the Northern Island war during the later half of the 20 C. His father found it and later read it on BBC radio in 1995. In 1996, the BBC Bookworm TV show conducted a poll to find most prominent poems. Frye’s poem received 30,000 write in votes! It was also read at the memorial services of the Challenger space shuttle, Lockerbie bombing, and the 9-11 terror attack on New York’s twin towers.
How often we find a writer of this calibre and modesty go unknown for so long! But also it was possible for the poem to receive due recognition. An unknown soldier’s death contributed to the recognition of the poet and poem so richly deserved!
Here is the poem that is so fascinating to me.
DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
— Mary Elizabeth Frye. (1905-2004)
5.Sound is Primal
Birds chirp, monkeys screech, and horses neigh. On my daily walks, I hear birds chirp and try to imagine their chat. I believe they were conversing in their language. I don’t understand their language but that does not mean it was not a chat. Every sound made by any living entity is their mode of communication.
The most profound sound in Hinduism is Om. Not only Vedic scholars but many others, even with minimal knowledge of Hinduism, have explanations about this unique syllable. I won’t go into elaborate explanation. I feel like the syllable sets our minds in the right direction to delve deep into ourselves. Some people utter Om at the start of reciting a sloka or stotra and again at the end. Sometimes, it is built into the stotra and, at other times, the reciter includes it.
Several foreigners were fascinated by the beauty of Telugu language. British scholars contributed immensely to Telugu literature. The contributions of 19th C British scholars remain valuable even to this day.
A popular comment that “Telugu is Italian of the East,” was made by an Italian traveler, Niccolo de Conti, and oft quoted by Telugu people for the rich similarities of the two languages.
One more thing comes to my mind. De Conti was Italian and compared Telugu language to his mother tongue, Italian. We all know that familiarity is an intrinsic element in drawing comparisons by people. For a traveler, away from home, Telugu may have appealed as a language that possessed similar qualities as his native tongue.
In the case of Britishers, however, it is not similarity of the sounds but the mystical characteristics of Hinduism. The language captured their imagination despite their superiority as foreign rulers. They could dominate Indians as western entrepreneurs but the mystical quality of Hinduism sparked their interest as spiritual avant-garde.
In Hinduism, silence possesses a singular virtue, if you will. It is not just absence of sound even as the sky is not vacuum. Here is what I think. If you ask what is sky, the immediate answer is it is a vacuum or empty space. But, when you look up you clearly do see something; not birds, not flying planes and not even water in the form of clouds. There is just space, indescribable space. So also silence. When you sit in a quiet place, away from all the humdrum of your home or the city, you feel in your mind or heart a soft soothing sound that is indescribable and different from all other sounds; that is Om.
I am fascinated by language in the same manner. I read, write and listen to the stories in Telugu for that one reason, the sound. Readers of my blog appreciate my passion for Telugu. Some may even consider it an obsession. When I comment on someone else’s story or article, my comment is taken as my perception of the language in their story. Now, I think about it, and I think, it is not so much about the language as the resonance or sonority of the sound in each word. Each word touches the innermost corners of my heart.
One of Sankara’s yoga sutras says a word without a thing is nothing. In other words, we give a thing a name or else there exists no word and no sound. That reminds me of a word you uttered in her childhood. You pointed to an aeroplane in the sky and said thai. You were just 2 years old at the time. I never understood how you came up with that word; it did not sound like any other word I know. So, I took it as a word, invented by you!
Not that all of us appreciate all sounds. Chirping by birds, barking by dogs, and other sounds produced by other living beings may appeal to different people for different reasons. Maybe, because all sounds are meaningful.
It is the same with my interest in music too. Because of my articles on some songs or singers I liked, readers thought I know musicology. The truth is my interest is not in music as such but in the words and phrases in the krithis. Those words, phrases and imagery resound in my mind for a long time. That is what the language means to me. Music is just another mode of occupying my mind.
At the same time, I have to admit that there are unpleasant sounds also. Some of them are not only unpleasant but outright repulsive also. If we examine carefully, we will notice that some words are repulsive in one context and will be accepted as poetic justice or artistic license in another context. This is especially true of words referring to women’s body. I am not sure but thinking that the usage of such words often depends on emotions. Nowadays, using abusive verbiage has become so common, it rendered us immune to the cruelty of those words. All the same, we just cannot pretend those words are not part of the language.
Now let’s go back to how I perceive Telugu language as a helpful tool.
I am not sure how it started but I was captivated by the beauty of words, Telugu and Sanskrit. During my college days, I used to sit down with a dictionary and keep turning pages without any specific purpose in mind. Sometimes I would note down some difficult words and use them in my articles. The habit did not last long though. Probably somebody pointed out that I was being ostentatious, meaning showy. Haha! I stopped the habit soon enough, but, I still refer to dictionaries and thesaurus to make sure that I was using the correct word in the correct place.
Puzzles also play with words. I am not interested in all puzzles, but there are two, the Wordle and its Telugu version, padakeli. Every morning I look forward to Wordle and every evening to padakeli. Recently, I also found another puzzle, Word Box, on Facebook. Very interesting.
I enjoy these puzzles. They helps to test my language skills. I had memory loss recently, limited only to language though. I had no problem with my daily chores and activities. I developed a system of my own. Remember? I told you earlier that I enjoyed flipping through pages of dictionaries. These two puzzles serve similar purpose. When I can’t find the letters I need, I would continue to click on whatever letter comes to mind. The English Wordle does not accept it but the Telugu version allows any 5 letters, whether they make sense or not. Sometimes, the correct word comes up, at other times, I would have to look up the meaning after I got the word! Isn’t that funny? That is also the reason, I will stop at the last attempt, the 5th in Wordle and the 7th in Telugu Padakeli. I don’t want to get the correct word from them. I don’t like quick, ready- made answers. I have to find it out myself or let go of it. My point is, that is also a way of exploring the language and enjoying the language.
6.Literary Trends and Readership Changed, I did not
In this chapter, I intend to address a few issues that changed my perception of Telugu literary field during my lifetime. To be precise, I’ve fallen behind, never caught up the modernized trends and beliefs.
Basically,the field of Telugu literature has undergone tremendous changes, following the social changes that took place in the past 75 years.
In ancient times, kings and wealthy patrons of literature appreciated the poetry presented to them by poets. Patrons did not dictate terms. Literary works in those days represented the creative talent of poets. Works like Maha Bharata and Ramayana were created to save people from deteriorating moral and social values of those times. Today those values and ethics are not tenable yet we value the works for their literary merit. Even though we question those values, we embrace the literary works for their literary merit. We cannot say the same of today’s literature, to put it bluntly.
We all agree the concept of literature has changed. While the basic idea of disseminating moral values is the same as in ancient times, the importance of what is prevalent in a given work is very different. Under the label, social consciousness writings, stories and poetry are focused singularly on fixing the evils in society. That is to a point of ignoring or dismissing systematically all other elements such as creativity, originality, structure and the use of language. We see this in the anthologies of short stories produced by modern stalwarts. While titles sound like the anthologies meant to illustrate the comprehensive history of Telugu story in the 20th century, stories included in the anthologies are only “social consciousness” stories. Only the message or theme is their only consideration. Literary elements such as structure, language are disregarded. The result is some stories, otherwise well-received, even by prominent writers are ignored. That is a notable loss to the future students of history.
In the place of kings and wealthy patrons of ancient times, now we have literary organizations, literary groups, professors, academies, editors of print/Internet magazines, and conceited individuals. Writers follow the dictates developed by self-made literary pandits who are running those literary groups and organizations. Without approval from one of these groups, no writer may succeed as a writer, no matter how good his or her works are.
In the process, stealing others’ works and publishing them as their own also has become common. Nobody cares about copyright and has no respect for the original writer. Even well-known writers and stalwarts who are managing the Telugu literary trends are no exception. They too will steal other’s articles; no qualms. Here is one example. Strange, they never referred to my article on my blog, never included it in their discussions, but they have no problem in reposting it in full on their website. On their website, they said submissions to their site should include permission letter. But there was no permission letter from me!
Vainglory became a necessary tool for writers to be recognized. Networking is one of the ways to prove their status in literary circles. Attending their conferences, being in touch with the leaders of those organizations, and promoting themselves is an unwritten law. Only those who follow the rule will receive awards, honors, and recognition. Some writers are even arranging meetings to honor themselves. There are women writers who would call themselves feminists but show no respect for other women in real life. In my opinion, that is not feminism but egotism.
The Internet and social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, twitter etc are contributing phenomenally in this regard. Not only writers and patrons but readers also took this new direction in the Telugu literature.
In the past 10-15 years, I think, literature as literature has become secondary to prove oneself as a writer. Several people contacted me on the Internet but it was always to develop personal friendships. In the past while I was in Visakhapatnam and in Tirupati, I met a few writers of repute but the conversations were always literary.
In the past 70 years, I have met with dozens of writers, magazine editors, publishers and readers too. I spoke about their works and listened to what they said. If they don’t consider my works worth talking about, I can understand. But I do not want them to think it as an opportunity to forge friendships. I have been telling everybody I am interested in literature. Many people visited me or invited to their homes, but not one of them talked about literature. Among the people I’ve met, Kalpana Rentala is the only exception. Whether she visited me or I visited her, we always discussed on one topic or another. Our videos are available on archive.org.
There is a similar change among readers also. Their aptitude and choices reflect the changes in both the society and Telugu literary circles. Education seems to have played a role as well. Most of the readers in the 1960s and ‘70s were not highly educated. Even those with college degrees remained within the realm of traditional and family values. By 1980s, the literary scene took a huge turn because of western influence and feminism. The numbers of higher educated writers and readers went up. The British left the country but not their culture and literary values including their literary trends. Telugu magazines followed the journalistic trends of the British, then writers followed first and then readers adapted the new literary principles.
Readers also accepted the new perspectives and started participating in the literary activities. One thing I noticed is, in the midst of this expansion, time factor figured in. Nobody has the time to think and comment in a substantive manner. Ever so often I have seen off-the-cuff remarks or comments even from reputable writers. Either they do not read the original posts or too naive to understand the key issues in those posts. It is easily noticeable in the comments on the Internet.
Another big change in society is the demeanor of people. Sense of community is replaced by success of individuals and their superciliousness. “Me” superceded “Us.” The difference between self-esteem and self-promotion blurred. In my experience, this became more obvious when writers asked me to read their books, write reviews or give my opinions on their books, and translate their stories. None of them cared to write a substantive critical review or discussed my books/stories/essays in conferences, literary meets or in their published articles. My works are conspicuous by their absence in modern Telugu literary discussions, reviews, public speeches and other literary activities. I have not found one comprehensive, constructive critical evaluation of my work. Subhadra Devi is the only person who has read completely all my writings and published a book. Again, I have not seen a substantive critical review of that book either.
One of the major areas is criticism. In the past 20 years maybe I am not sure, but readers and pandits repeatedly comment that writers are not taking criticism objectively. I understand this comment with a caveat. Those I would like to know which comments and which writers they were talking about specifically. Unlike in the past, there are many comments are reckless and irrelevant. If a critic calls a book “stale food” without reading it, should the writer take it as a valuable comment? I do not think so. Writers have the right to be offended when damaging comments are made without veritable evidence.
That most of the well-known writers are not reading current literature became obvious to me at public meetings arranged in my honor in the past two decades. Nine meetings were held. In 8 meetings, none of them including the presidents, secretaries, and invited guest speakers could talk about my writings. Some of them, however, gave me their books for translations or reviews. This again appears to be normal now. Thoughtless self–promotion.
Actually, writers in general have been asking me to translate their stories or their friends’ stories. There is nothing wrong about it. A few translators sent their translations for publication on my website, thulika.net. The unusual part, or which is new to me, is not one of them visited the website and what is it’s goal, what are the submission guidelines, are the translations good? Nobody cared to have any idea. All they want is I translate their stories. That is sheer self-promotion, I believe.
About 3 years back, somebody sent me a photocopy of a page from the foreword to an anthology of short stories by Tallavajjhala Patanjali Sastry by Bethavolu Ramabrahmam. It said “Malathi garu has published so many anthologies of her translations yet did not translate these stories.” It sounded like I defaulted on translations of Patanjali Sastry’s stories. In case you don’t know, both of them eminent writers of modern era.
There are 2 points you need to know. First, Patanjali Sastry knows me very well. During his M.A. studies days, he used to visit me and we talked about stories in those days. That is why I was surprised why he could not tell this preface-writer that it was not necessary to include it in the preface and he would talk to me about it himself. He did not do that. Secondly, in the larger context, it shows how far writers would go to get their stories translated specifically by me.
Had he called me, I would have told him the same thing. My website has a specific purpose and if his story is suitable, he may send it to me. Also, I would have told him that many Telugu writers and critics have said my translations are not good and my translations did not receive any awards. Therefore, he should consider other translators.
The Molla satkaram was the only meeting where the founder and organizer of the event and speakers actually read whichever genre they chose and spoke about them genuinely. This may not be the case with all meetings or all writers. (This is also the reason for writing this article.)
However, ignoring my works categorically leads to another angle. That is stealing others’ works and publish them as their own also has become common. In this era of humongous areas to publish, it has become easier. Even more surprising is literary stalwarts, well-known in the literary circles, also do not hesitate to publish somebody else’s work on their website without author’s permission.
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled on a website Telugu Racayita, founded by Telugu elitists probably with a commendable goal of making sure writers are not lost in history. They invited submissions and stated that copyright rules must be followed.
Then I found my article on Tenneti Hemalata (తెన్నేటి హేమలత. తెలుగు సాహిత్యంలో ఒక ప్రభంజనం) on their site. I was not asked for permission, and there was no reference to the source, where it was published on April 19, 2018. On my blog, telugu thulika, the article received 23000+ views. For those interested in the English version of my article on Lata, Click here
So, my question is what happened to the copyright rules they have stated in their submission guidelines? Names of such stalwarts like Jampala Chowdary, Chandra Lata, and Geeta Madhavi, appear in the list of administrators. If they have the sense to include copyright requirement, they should also have the obligation to honor their own rule. Also, I think, it is appropriate to mention the source and the original author when they re-post the full article on their site. Literary pandits like them cannot pretend they did not know, right?
This again comes down to the changes in society; it is about self-promotion and attitudes.
I have been using Telugu Wikipedia, as a branch of Wikipedia, for information for my articles. Many of us consider Tewiki as a valuable source. I was never a member but made a few contributions in terms of corrections and some articles on writers. I was in contact with some of the administrators in those days.
I don’t know when but the website appears to have changed rules. I could not make one blatantly obvious mistake. As I was looking for something on Tewiki, I noticed a photo of Dr. Nayani Krishnakumari was uploaded on Dr. P. Sredevi’s page. Both of them highly reputable writers and there is no way one could be mistaken for other. If a member posted it inadvertently, it could have been correctly. I tried to change but could not because of the changes in their rules and technology.
After examining further, I came to understand that photo was there for 10 months, actually uploaded on 3 November 2024, and changing it now was against the rule. when I tried to upload Sridevi’s photo I had received from her daughter, the screen displayed an alert stating that changing the photo after the time expired results in deleting all the corrections made after the photo was originally uploaded.
That raises several questions.
1.Tewiki has a rule that source needs to be verified. Then, how Krishnakumari’s photo ended up on Sridevi’s page? I am sure there are well-informed people on the board of administrators who could have easily noticed.
2.I posted my concern under discussion on Sridevi’s page. There was no response.
3.I posted the same concern on my blog since such misinformation on tewiki is unbecoming and misleading for those who would be looking for information on tewiki.
4.It also undercuts the reputation of tewiki as a reliable source.
To make my point clearer, I posted a second article on my blog explaining how important it was. Leaving one writer’s photo on another writer’s page for 10 months is a disservice to Telugu users and Telugu literature, I said. It is also an insult to the two writers.
Anyway, responding to my second post on my blog, a member of tewiki (that is how he signed under his comment) removed Dr. Krishnakumari’s photo.
I also stated that I have Sridevi’s photo, sent by Sridevi’s daughter, but nobody cared to ask for it.
Did you see the change here? In the past, they acted promptly, but this time, it took an alert on their web page and 2 posts on a private reader’s blog to get their attention and correct it!
As I have said, this is not a singular instance. In general, this is how Telugu elite are running their websites and organizations. One common argument appears to be they all are freely giving their time to Telugu literature and they are hard-pressed for time. I understand that. I have no answer for that. All I can say is it is a matter of commitment. Writers of my generation spent more time on any project they had undertaken. Now it appears to be only a project to get attention.
My experience with my website, thulika.net, had its ups and downs. On the downside, the response from Telugu people is conspicuous by absence in discussions, reviews, and comments, as mentioned before. Nobody visited the website and wrote objective analytical reviews or comments. Some of them may have taken a casual look and comment that the translations are not good.
Some writers and even university professors called it a women’s magazine. Had they actually seen the website, they would have found stories by male writers and translators, and themes not limited to women only. Certainly no indication, explicit or implicit, for arriving that conclusion. Their conclusions show only how little effort they have put in to learn what it is about.
On the other hand, non-Telugu scholars, university professors and knowledgeable readers from America and other countries, were interested in the articles on the website. Some of them corresponded with me. Some of them noted the website as a useful resource in their academic studies.
One exception among Telugu people is Telugu youth, who attended English medium schools and thus unfamiliar with Telugu script. They emailed me saying they enjoyed the stories in translation.
I apologize for the lengthy write up but I tried to how my beliefs about literature remained distant from all this modernization. I am sure modern day writers, critics and activists continue in this mode of thinking but I cannot. That is why I decided to stay away from Telugu literature.
I write with confidence, not with arrogance. I never asked anyone to read my articles or books and comment on them or write a review. Readers just visited my blog on their own, read the stories and articles and commented on them their own. A few reputable scholars and knowledgeable readers read my non-fiction articles, pointed out my mistakes, and suggested corrections. I acknowledged my mistakes and made corrections as suggested. Their suggestions helped me to improve my articles that much better. That is the kind of literary atmosphere I knew, appreciative of. I welcome them.
This article is not complete without me admitting there are some writers and readers who take literature for what it is; it is an intrinsic part of our lives, meant to provide inexplicable pleasure and contribute to the development of our characters. I have come across readers who genuinely are interested in my stories and informative/analytical articles.
When we examine the Telugu literary field in a broader context, the changes in the attitudes and behaviors of the writers and supporters are brazenly obvious but also definitive factors.
Writers like me are falling behind. I am far far behind for today’s writers and critics. That is an indisputable fact. It is not a singular instance but very common and so also in the case of many writers in a similar situation. Writers who have not embraced labels like feminism or social consciousness writing do not belong in the modern day Telugu literature. I do not belong in that culture. It is that simple.
“They’ll get mad at you.”
“No no no, oh no, they don’t care, won’t read.
May look, shrug and
walk away.”
(End)
P.S.: I know readers of my blog and website are fans of my daughter Sarayu Blue
To them:
Here is news: Sarayu Blue joined the cast of a new TV series, Unaccustomed Earth, based on Jhampa Lahiri’s short story collection. Here is an article about her role in the series. Click Sarayu Blue in a TV series
Nidadavolu Malathi
09/23/2025
For your convenience, here is a PDF version to download. Click My Notes to my Daughter full text